What is exclusive pumping? Sometimes for unforeseen reasons a mother is not able to breastfeed their baby. This may include stays in the NICU, tongue/lip tie, or baby will not latch (just to name a few). These mothers are faced with a dilemma. They can feed their babies formula, or they can join the "exclusive pumper club" and exclusively pump breast milk for their children.
Our story doesn't involve any tragic stay in the NICU. On day 2 in the hospital the lactation consultant came into our room during LO's hearing test and said that she would pop back in throughout the day to check on us. She finally made it back around to us around 4:30 that afternoon and I mentioned that he would latch on, suckle a few times and then he would pop back off. One look into his mouth and she said "aha, he has a tongue tie. We're not really supposed to "diagnose" this or tell the parents but it's pretty obvious that it is the cause for him latching on and coming off". Due to his tongue tie extending down to the tip of his tongue he wasn't able to extend his tongue past his gums to properly latch. She was actually on her way out the door to head home, but she got us set up with pumping equipment and taught me how to hand express colostrum so that we could feed him with a syringe until the ENT could come in and do an assessment. She also had the nursery contact our pediatrician's office to start the referral for the ENT.
When the ENT got there that evening he looked at LO's mouth, said that he did have a tongue tie, but that he wanted us to "nurse through the night" to see if it was really causing an issue. He would be back sometime the next day to clip the tongue tie if that is what we wanted to do, but that he didn't want to do it that night. We fed every three hours that night with him latching on and coming off with the help of an awesome nursery nurse helping us along the way. She wasn't even assigned to my baby, but she was very passionate about breastfeeding and she would come in every 3 hours and help me get him latched on. She was the most helpful nurse I came in contact with throughout my hospital stay, and like I said she wasn't even assigned to us.
The next morning the ENT came in and clipped the tongue tie. LO still didn't seem extremely interested in nursing. He would latch on and was able to stay on now, but some of the damage to mommy was already done. Another lactation consultant came in that morning and was in and out before I could even think to ask for help. I almost felt like the odds were stacked against us. I would painfully breast feed my little one for just shy of 2 weeks. I was tired, I was an emotional mess, and I could hardly get my baby to latch on without the pain flowing through my body to the point that I would rather punch a wall...but I kept a game face and I was going to do this. One night LO would wake up hungry so I got up, tried to get him settled and latched on and when he finally did, I screamed out in pain waking my husband. I started crying and that was it. That was the night we decided that I would exclusively pump my breast milk. I had already started a small stash due to the fact that my doctor suggested introducing a bottle around 10 days old if we were going to use one (which we planned on since I would be starting my career in nursing) and my husband fed our son for the third time in his life (we supplemented with formula twice in the hospital and my husband did it by syringe).
I was already emotional and crying all the time because I didn't think LO was getting enough. I didn't trust my own body and it's ability to provide what my baby needed. I continued to cry, but this time I cried because I felt like I was failing my son by not being able to nurse him. I would continue to cry every time he cried when he was hungry, every time I had to pump, and just random times throughout the day. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I was supposed to breastfeed our son. I was supposed to have this outstanding bond with my baby. I wasn't supposed to fail. My husband would be so supportive, he would rock me and cuddle me, he would tell me that everything was going to be alright. That I wasn't a failure. My love for him grew through this ordeal.
I would pump every 3 hours around the clock. I would start out only pumping 2-3 ounces from each breast for a total of 4-6 ounces. At the time he was only eating 2 ounces every 3 hours. I would have my confidence shattered..although it wasn't intentional and I would rock my baby and cry, because to me that confirmed that I was failing him. I would quickly become an "over producer" in a sense. Our little one would eat around 20-24 ounces a day and I was easily pumping 40-50 ounces a day. My sister in law would come down to visit and meet her nephew for the very first time. She would share her trials and tribulations with trying to nurse her first two children and not being able to before she would successfully breast feed her youngest two. She would sit by my side and help me to get my LO latched on to nurse, even if that meant that we still had to feed him a bottle an hour or so later. She would become one of my rocks in this journey. She would share that there were times she wanted to quit and she wished that she could have pumped not exclusively in any sense, but she wasn't able to. She still praises me for sticking with it and how I'm an amazing mother. I love her for that.
We would get to the point that LO would latch on every once in a while, but only when HE wanted to. My doctor (OB) would commend me for pumping and was shocked with how much I was pumping per day. Our pediatrician would commend me for sticking with it and providing our baby with breast milk. They both mentioned with my milk production that I could possibly stop pumping at six months and make it to nine months if not a year old. I would make it to 12 weeks postpartum with only one small bout of mastitis and a few clogged ducts. I would slowly drop my middle of the night (MOTN) pump without a loss in supply. We still have rough days and it's slowly starting to become tedious, but I'm still going strong with 4 pumps per day and producing right around 45 ounces per day.
This past Monday our sweet baby turned 4 months old. I have been exclusively pumping for 16 weeks. You always hear about the bond a breastfeeding mother has with her baby and I was scared that I wasn't going to have that. But I know that is not true now. The small smile on my baby's face when he finishes his bottle, the way he stares in my eyes as I feed him, and how he grabs onto my hands with his little fingers while I hold his bottle gives me the strength to continue this journey. I'm 2 months shy of reaching my first goal of six months. I have over 1,200 ounces of breast milk frozen. There were days I doubted everything I was doing. There were days where I wanted to throw in the towel and quit, but one look into that sweet child's eyes and I knew that I couldn't quit. I knew that I was doing the best I could with the hand we were dealt. There are days that I sit back and wish that things would have panned out differently and I shed a few tears. But he's growing and he's happy and that is all that matters.
As a disclaimer, I support every mother and their choice to feed their baby (breast, breast by bottle, or formula). As long as your baby is happy and healthy, who am I to judge the way you feed him/her? I support you mommy. Rock on.
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