Exclusive Pumping

Hello, My name is Holly and I am an exclusive pumper.

What is exclusive pumping?  Sometimes for unforeseen reasons a mother is not able to breastfeed their baby.  This may include stays in the NICU, tongue/lip tie, or baby will not latch (just to name a few).  These mothers are faced with a dilemma.  They can feed their babies formula, or they can join the "exclusive pumper club" and exclusively pump breast milk for their children.  

Our story doesn't involve any tragic stay in the NICU.  On day 2 in the hospital the lactation consultant came into our room during LO's hearing test and said that she would pop back in throughout the day to check on us.  She finally made it back around to us around 4:30 that afternoon and I mentioned that he would latch on, suckle a few times and then he would pop back off.  One look into his mouth and she said "aha, he has a tongue tie.  We're not really supposed to "diagnose" this or tell the parents but it's pretty obvious that it is the cause for him latching on and coming off".  Due to his tongue tie extending down to the tip of his tongue he wasn't able to extend his tongue past his gums to properly latch.  She was actually on her way out the door to head home, but she got us set up with pumping equipment and taught me how to hand express colostrum so that we could feed him with a syringe until the ENT could come in and do an assessment.  She also had the nursery contact our pediatrician's office to start the referral for the ENT.  

When the ENT got there that evening he looked at LO's mouth, said that he did have a tongue tie, but that he wanted us to "nurse through the night" to see if it was really causing an issue.  He would be back sometime the next day to clip the tongue tie if that is what we wanted to do, but that he didn't want to do it that night.  We fed every three hours that night with him latching on and coming off with the help of an awesome nursery nurse helping us along the way.  She wasn't even assigned to my baby, but she was very passionate about breastfeeding and she would come in every 3 hours and help me get him latched on.  She was the most helpful nurse I came in contact with throughout my hospital stay, and like I said she wasn't even assigned to us.  

The next morning the ENT came in and clipped the tongue tie.  LO still didn't seem extremely interested in nursing.  He would latch on and was able to stay on now, but some of the damage to mommy was already done.  Another lactation consultant came in that morning and was in and out before I could even think to ask for help.  I almost felt like the odds were stacked against us.  I would painfully breast feed my little one for just shy of 2 weeks.  I was tired, I was an emotional mess, and I could hardly get my baby to latch on without the pain flowing through my body to the point that I would rather punch a wall...but I kept a game face and I was going to do this.  One night LO would wake up hungry so I got up, tried to get him settled and latched on and when he finally did, I screamed out in pain waking my husband.  I started crying and that was it.  That was the night we decided that I would exclusively pump my breast milk.  I had already started a small stash due to the fact that my doctor suggested  introducing a bottle around 10 days old if we were going to use one (which we planned on since I would be starting my career in nursing) and my husband fed our son for the third time in his life (we supplemented with formula twice in the hospital and my husband did it by syringe). 

I was already emotional and crying all the time because I didn't think LO was getting enough.  I didn't trust my own body and it's ability to provide what my baby needed.  I continued to cry, but this time I cried because I felt like I was failing my son by not being able to nurse him.  I would continue to cry every time he cried when he was hungry, every time I had to pump, and just random times throughout the day.  This wasn't supposed to happen to me.  I was supposed to breastfeed our son.  I was supposed to have this outstanding bond with my baby.  I wasn't supposed to fail.  My husband would be so supportive, he would rock me and cuddle me, he would tell me that everything was going to be alright.  That I wasn't a failure. My love for him grew through this ordeal.

I would pump every 3 hours around the clock.  I would start out only pumping 2-3 ounces from each breast for a total of 4-6 ounces.  At the time he was only eating 2 ounces every 3 hours.  I would have my confidence shattered..although it wasn't intentional and I would rock my baby and cry, because to me that confirmed that I was failing him.  I would quickly become an "over producer" in a sense.  Our little one would eat around 20-24 ounces a day and I was easily pumping 40-50 ounces a day.  My sister in law would come down to visit and meet her nephew for the very first time.  She would share her trials and tribulations with trying to nurse her first two children and not being able to before she would successfully breast feed her youngest two.  She would sit by my side and help me to get my LO latched on to nurse, even if that meant that we still had to feed him a bottle an hour or so later.  She would become one of my rocks in this journey.  She would share that there were times she wanted to quit and she wished that she could have pumped not exclusively in any sense, but she wasn't able to.  She still praises me for sticking with it and how I'm an amazing mother.  I love her for that.

We would get to the point that LO would latch on every once in a while, but only when HE wanted to.  My doctor (OB) would commend me for pumping and was shocked with how much I was pumping per day.  Our pediatrician would commend me for sticking with it and providing our baby with breast milk.  They both mentioned with my milk production that I could possibly stop pumping at six months and make it to nine months if not a year old.  I would make it to 12 weeks postpartum with only one small bout of mastitis and a few clogged ducts.  I would slowly drop my middle of the night (MOTN) pump without a loss in supply.  We still have rough days and it's slowly starting to become tedious, but I'm still going strong with 4 pumps per day and producing right around 45 ounces per day.

This past Monday our sweet baby turned 4 months old.  I have been exclusively pumping for 16 weeks.  You always hear about the bond a breastfeeding mother has with her baby and I was scared that I wasn't going to have that.  But I know that is not true now.  The small smile on my baby's face when he finishes his bottle, the way he stares in my eyes as I feed him, and how he grabs onto my hands with his little fingers while I hold his bottle gives me the strength to continue this journey.  I'm 2 months shy of reaching my first goal of six months.  I have over 1,200 ounces of breast milk frozen.  There were days I doubted everything I was doing.  There were days where I wanted to throw in the towel and quit, but one look into that sweet child's eyes and I knew that I couldn't quit.  I knew that I was doing the best I could with the hand we were dealt.  There are days that I sit back and wish that things would have panned out differently and I shed a few tears.  But he's growing and he's happy and that is all that matters.

As a disclaimer, I support every mother and their choice to feed their baby (breast, breast by bottle, or formula).  As long as your baby is happy and healthy, who am I to judge the way you feed him/her?  I support you mommy. Rock on.

A letter to our son

Dear Hunter,

I still remember the day that I told your daddy that we were pregnant with you.  It was a Monday, Daddy just got home from work and mommy had to get ready for school.  I was in my third semester of nursing school and I had mother/baby and pharm II that day.  Daddy told me the day before to take a pregnancy test because I told him Gizmo wouldn’t leave my side.  When daddy got home from work he woke me up and went outside to wash his truck before he took a shower.  I took a pregnancy test that morning and instantly had a positive result.  Tears filled my eyes as I went to get daddy.  “Trey, come here I need to talk to you about something” was all that I said.  Daddy looked at me before walking inside while quietly mumbling “I know what this is about”.  I walked into our bathroom and pointed at the counter.  Daddy looked at the test, looked at me and wrapped me up in a hug.  I went on to school that day barely able to bottle my excitement.   I took another test that afternoon just to make sure.  Once again we got a positive result almost instantly.  We were pregnant with you.

On October 3, 2012 we confirmed the pregnancy with Dr. Bannout’s office in order to get a referral for Dr. Crenshaw.  Mommy was 7 weeks pregnant with you.  You also attended your first concert that day.  It was Luke Bryan in Claxton, Georgia.  Mommy and Daddy celebrated their five year wedding anniversary on October 22, 2012.  Mommy’s first appointment was October 30, 2012 with Dr. Crenshaw’s office.  They once again confirmed the pregnancy and gave mommy her estimated due date.  You were scheduled to arrive May 29, 2013.  A week later on November 6, 2012 mommy and daddy were able to see you for the very first time, we were 12 weeks pregnant.  You were full of energy that day, waving your arms and legs around.  Your heart rate was amazing.  Mommy and daddy told the rest of the world that we were pregnant that day, close family and friends already knew.  A month later mommy and daddy met her doctor for the very first time on December 5, 2012.  Once again we were able to hear your heartbeat.  Every time we heard that sound we had a smile on our face.

Christmas was right around the corner.  Mommy’s best friend Crystal, bought mommy and daddy their first ornament for you.  It was a glass ball with your ultrasound on it.  Mrs. Joanne also bought mommy an ornament that says “Baby Johnson” on it because we didn’t know if you were a boy or a girl yet!  I bought daddy a “first time dad survival guide” and daddy bought mommy an at home Doppler so that we could listen to you anytime we wanted.  At first it was like a game, trying to find you in mommy’s belly but as you got bigger we would laugh when you kicked the probe.  You really didn’t like hearing your own heartbeat.  Your grandparents  got a kick out of being able to experience hearing your heartbeat as well.  We even filmed it for those that couldn’t be here.

Low and behold January finally rolled around.  On the 8^th we went in for our anatomy scan.  The radiology tech knew that mommy and daddy were in the medical field so she took more time explaining where your organs were and what we were looking at.  This time we were actually able to see your heart beating while we listened to it.  Daddy and I waited patiently for the tech to tell us if you were a boy or a girl, but you had other plans.  You sat with your legs crossed for nearly 15 minutes.  The tech did everything she could think of to get you to move.  She had mommy cough and she jiggled the wand on mommy’s tummy.  The funny thing is, you made us wait until you were ready to show us.  After nearly thinking we weren’t going to find out you uncrossed your legs and she said those three little words “it’s a boy”.  She went on to tell us she was pretty sure, but she wanted to be certain before she told us.  Mommy had another doctor’s appointment after the scan.  Daddy called Aunt Sheri and let her know before Mommy called another friend, Argentina.  We didn’t want to tell your grandparents yet, we had special plans for them.   Daddy wouldn’t let mommy buy anything for you until we found out your gender, so we quickly headed over to babies r us and a few other stores to buy your first set of clothes.  Once we got home mommy baked two blue cakes, one for each set of grandparents.  Each cake was covered in yellow icing and we were off to share the news with the family.  Everyone was so excited!

                The next few months were relatively uneventful.  Mommy was in her last semester of nursing school and doing clinicals in the area of nursing that she wanted to work in.  I think you enjoyed the nursing thing; you would kick and wiggle like crazy all day until mommy got home.  It took weeks for daddy to finally feel you move.  Mommy could feel you kick for weeks and finally one day daddy laid his face on mommy’s tummy while talking to you and you kicked him right on his cheek.  Daddy would spend quite a few more weeks talking to you through mommy’s tummy with his cheek pressed against it before he would feel you kick and move with his hand.  In March we had a small party for daddy where the guests brought us all the diapers you’ve been wearing since birth.   Aunt Crystal threw mommy a baby shower.  We received so many nice things for you that day.  It was heartwarming to see all the people that were excited to meet you.  Mommy was quickly wrapping up her final semester in nursing school and slowly getting ready for you to make your arrival.  Monthly doctor appointments turned into appointments every two weeks.  The two week appointments quickly turned into weekly appointments and we had one more ultrasound on April 29^th to see just how big you were supposed to be.  Dr. Crenshaw told mommy that she estimated that you would weigh around 8.5 pounds when you were born. 

On May 2^nd and 4^th, we celebrated mommy’s graduation from nursing school.  With school out of the way our focus quickly moved to the most important day of our lives, your birthday.  For three weeks the nurse practitioner, Brandy, told mommy that she could go into labor at any time.  For those three weeks we did everything we could think of to try and hurry you along with increasing signs that labor was near, but once again, you were doing this your own way.  Dr. Crenshaw didn’t want mommy going over 41 weeks pregnant with you because our risk for c-section increased.  Mommy was scared of an induction but at 39 weeks pregnant we broke down and made the appointment.  If you didn’t come out on your own we would be induced on the 30^th, one day after your estimated due date.  Daddy took three weeks off from work to spend time with you and mommy once you were born.  His leave officially started May 27^th, Memorial Day.

The last few days slowly passed by with mommy looking for any indication that she was in labor and daddy working around the house with mommy’s parents to get things ready for you.  On the evening of the 29^th mommy got a phone call from the hospital explaining that it was possible that our induction could get bumped due to floor rules about the number of inductions going on at one time.  Mommy was upset because she was really ready to meet you.  The next morning we called the hospital and they told us to come on in!  The 30^th was the big day.  We arrived at the hospital at 5am just like we had been instructed.  They took mommy to her room and started the paperwork and procedures in order to start the induction.  Around 7am they would start the medication to jump start mommy’s contractions.  Around 8:15 Dr. Crenshaw came in and told mommy that she was 2-3 cm, they broke my water, and placed an internal monitor for my contractions because the other monitor wasn’t picking them up.  Mommy lasted for an hour and a half before she said she was ready for the epidural for pain.  About 30 minutes later Dr. Patel came in and inserted mommy’s epidural, daddy didn’t like that part.  About 1.5 hours later we would get a scare because your heart rate dropped.  The nurses helping mommy would check me and said that we were now 4-5 cm dilated.  Dr. Crenshaw would come in about an hour later and we were the same.  She told mommy that she expected it to take until dinner time for mommy to fully dilate and that we would more than likely have you that day.

 Mommy's friend Amy came by and saw us before you made your appearance.  Aunt Crystal and Ryleigh came by the hospital to see mommy while she was in labor.  During that time your heart rate completely dropped off the monitor scaring all of us.  Mommy’s nurse came in and checked her again and we were fully dilated around 3pm.  The reason you dropped off the monitor is because you had dropped down further into the birth canal.  They wanted you to drop some more so we waited before mommy started pushing.  Around 4pm Dr Crenshaw came back into the room and checked mommy one more time.  She said that you were still a little high so we were going to wait some more.  15 minutes later mommy’s nurse came back into the room to check me.  You, of course were still high so they decided to sit mommy up to help you move down further into the birth canal.  Mommy would sit this way for what seemed like forever.  Mommy’s nurse finally came back into to check and noticed that you had passed meconium while we were laboring down.  It was time for mommy to start pushing!  Your daddy was such a good coach throughout the entire process.  You were facing mommy’s left leg so they rolled her over onto her side to get you to turn in the direction you were supposed to be in.  Mommy pushed and pushed with every contraction.  Right before you entered the world Dr Crenshaw and a resident made their appearance, they quickly got ready for your birth.  After an hour of pushing you entered this world at 5:49pm.  Daddy cut your umbilical cord and they picked on him for wearing gloves.  

Since you passed meconium they quickly rushed you over to the warmer to make sure your lungs were clear.  Everything looked great and they cleaned you off, weighed and measured you, and finally placed you on your mommy’s chest.  You weighed in at 8lbs 8 oz and 21 inches long.  Dr. Crenshaw correctly estimated your weight!  A nurse would help mommy try to breastfeed you but you weren’t exactly interested in food just yet.  Your daddy would get to hold you for the very first time, surprisingly he didn’t cry like he swore he would.  Your grandparents and great grandparents on mommy’s side came back to meet you for the very first time.  You would take many of your first pictures that day.  This, my sweet baby, is your journey into the world and your birth story.  One month ago today you made your entrance into the world.  You’ve changed our lives in so many ways.  We love you, Hunter Daniel, with all our hearts.  

Slacker

I fell off the face of the planet apparently.  The past few weeks have been a whirlwind as I finished up my last rotations for clinical.  In two weeks I will have my BSN!  During that time we had my awesome baby shower, a couple of two week appointments (two), and our maternity photos done!  

My best friend Crystal threw us an amazing baby shower.  We really couldn't ask for better friends and family.  Hunter received plenty of clothes as well as other things that we needed.  A few people have asked us what we still need, and we honestly can't think of anything.  Not to mention Daddy bought Hunter and I a new car!

sorting through all the clothes that night.

I've had two two week appointments with my doctor.  My glucose tolerance test came back fine.  We're also impressed with how well my platelets are holding up the past few months.  We're measuring right on time and things are looking great!  We have our last two week appointment coming up on Tuesday.  We'll be doing cultures, more lab work most likely, and scheduling an appointment for our last ultrasound to find out how big little man really is at 36 weeks.  It's hard to believe that we're just under 6 weeks away from meeting our son!

Our friend Jill did our maternity photos for us a few weeks ago.  I love the way that they came out!